As I mentioned in my Last Week of IES blog post, I'm done with my two months in Europe. Tonight, July 15th, is my last night in Paris before returning back to the US for a month before classes start up in August. If you've been keeping up with my Instagram as well as this blog, then you'll know how incredibly happy I am. I've been struggling for a long time to figure out how to truly be happy and love myself and my life, and through this experience I have been able to do just that.
I don't think I was able to find that happiness merely because I was in Europe and everything is a dream, because in all honesty, this has been hard. There were days when I was angry, days when I was sad, and days when I was lonely, but I tried to remind myself that my time here is incredibly limited and I can't afford to sit around and be upset. I started trying harder to live in the moment, to stop living for those future events that seem like mere bookmarks in my life. I started trying to enjoy every second I had, whether that be sitting on a crowded metro reading Notre Dame de Paris, or enjoying happy hour with my friends after class. I think the biggest test will be carrying that mindset into my normal life. But I'm going to try.
I hate goodbyes. If I had my druthers, I'd make every goodbye and Irish one. I think that's why it's so hard for my to process that this is truly my last night in Paris. Though I know I'll be crying on my way to the airport tomorrow morning. But rather than a goodbye, I feel like this is more of a "see you later" type situation. After all, there's no way that a future French teacher only goes to Paris once. I'll be back with students for school trips at the very least, and hopefully for myself as well, my my future family. Or even alone. My last glances at the Eiffel Tower weren't truly my last, nor was my last croissant really the last one I'll eat in Paris. I find it a very comforting thought-- it's not goodbye. It's until next time.
