Despite having lived in three different decades at this point, it feels the odd to think that we're going into the the 2020s. Maybe it's because I'm old enough for that to really mean something, or maybe it's because 2020 holds a lot of significance for me. 2016 was the same way, despite being in the middle of the 2010s-- it was the year I graduated high school, the year I became an adult, and the year I went to college. In our school district, our usernames and student IDs always had our graduation year at the end. I was MKusmer16 since second grade. Despite knowing that the '16 stood for the end of our school career in Mayfield, it seemed so far off. Then, when it was finally 2016 and I graduated high school and was going off to college, it seemed insane. Now that it's going to be 2020, I have similar feelings. I enrolled at The Ohio State University as a member of the class of 2020, the first to graduate in this decade. I was in the OSU Class of 2020 Facebook group have OSU '20 in my Instagram bio. Now, this year that once seemed so far off is about to begin. But despite all of the changes coming my way, I'm very excited for what this new year has in store. But before I talk about that, let's recap on what happened in 2019...
2019 was one of the hardest but also one of the best years of my life. I faced a lot of really difficult challenges and situations while at the same time growing into a version of myself I never thought I could be. If you read back to my Paris Posts, you can follow a huge part of that journey. I learned a lot about myself, who I am, what I want in life, what makes me happy, what doesn't fulfill me. I learned that sometimes you need to make sacrifices and let things go when they're only holding you back and making you unhappy. This is applicable to people too. I learned that people are going to say what they want about me and think what they want about me, even when those opinions are formed from only seeing one part of me, or even none at all-- based solely on speculation and gossip. But I also learned how to not care, because frankly I have bigger shit going on. I learned that people are more complicated than they seem, and even if you don't agree with or like someone, they're human just like you and deserve just as much as you do.
I lost my first close family member, and then my second. I learned what it is to grieve, and that sadness like that never really goes away, and that's okay. I learned how to help others in their own grieving and how to be happy again. I learned a lot about myself and what's important in life. This past year with all of its gifts and challenges has shaped me into a better version of myself. While I still have a lot of growth to do, I've come a long way from where I was a year ago.
So, without any further ado, here's a wrap of my 2019:
January
January, as a sorority woman at Ohio State means one thing: recruitment. 2019 was the first year that I was a Panhellenic Association Recruitment Guide, meaning I was one of the women who guided Potential New Members (girls going through recruitment) through the process. I did not recruit girls for my chapter, but was a mentor and a guide for the girls going through the process. This experience taught me a lot about myself, like how insecure I could be at times and how easily I can be influenced by other people's opinions. I have to admit, I wasn't very happy with the version of myself I was at the end of that experience. However, I did decide to do it again in 2020, and am very happy for that decision. Being who I am today, I can go through that same process as a more confident, happier woman . I can guide girls through this difficult process while loving themselves, because I love myself.
Regardless of how it's been in the past, there's something so special about being on that side of recruitment. I got to watch my girls' faces as they opened their bid cards and saw that chapter that they were now a part of. The excitement, relief, joy, and happy surprise is something I'll never forget -- and a part of the reason I chose to do it again. I didn't realize it at the time, but that experience was a preview of what it would be like to become a teacher.
I also watched a lot of the Bachelor in January ;).
February
February was an incredibly difficult month for me. While I was meeting new people and making new friends, and solidifying the friendships I already had, I dealt with one of the hardest things in my life so far: the loss of my grandfather. I had never lost someone so close to me before, the only family member I knew that died was my great uncle Pete when I was in the eighth grade. And while I had a relationship with him, it was a distant one. But to lose my grandfather was a completely different experience. It was hard on my entire family, despite the amount of years he'd been sick.
February was my worst month of the year, but through the things I had to go through, I learned a lot about myself and the people in my life, forcing me to re-evaluate some of the relationships in my life. But again, more on that later.
(Mom's weekend 2019)
March
It was in March that we had Spring Break and the service for my grandfather, which was both a beautiful and a sad event. It was on Saint Patricks' Day, perfect for our Incredibly Scotch-Irish family. Everyone wore green, and I had died my hair red for the first time, so needless to say it wasn't difficult to guess we were all Irish.
In March, my sorority family welcomed my Grand-Little Avery, who is one of the coolest people I've ever met. I was invited to a handful of fraternity events and got addicted to Game of Thrones.
Mom and I threw a bridal shower for my cousin's now-wife Lauren, and I raised money for Girls on the Run of Central Ohio with Gamma Phi Beta in our Volleyball Tournament, which we call Moonball.
The name comes from our sorority symbol, the crescent moon, and can be any sport (basketball, dodgeball, baseball, soccer, volleyball, etc). I served as a ref, which was fitting with my extensive volleyball experience, though I did lose a contact lens at one point which made it a little hard to judge if the ball was in or out of bounds. But hey, we pushed through. The end of March brought my grand little's initiation and a NPHC Step Show, which is one of the coolest things I've ever been to. I'd never gone to a Step Competition before, but the energy and pride the chapters have was infectious and made me wish there was such a connection with other chapters in the Panhellenic Association.
April
April was a month of fraternity date parties, sorority formals, finals, and enjoying the last moments of my junior year with my friends before summer would send us all our separate ways for three months.
I went home for Easter and got to see Phantom of the Opera with my Dad at Playhouse Square, which was absolutely amazing. I saw Phantom for the first time when I was twelve and have only fallen more in love with it in the years since. I know the show inside an out, after having watched the film numerous times, owning the soundtrack, and having a copy of the 25th Anniversary on DVD. Getting to see it with my dad, who knew very little about the show, was really cool.
(Katie's 21st birthday celebration)
April also brought with it the end of my time as a running club officer, something I was more than ready to let go of. I'd realized during the first four months of 2019 that I had outgrown Running Club. For the longest time, it had been the most important thing in my life -- more so than my sorority. I missed countless date parties, formals, semi formals, TGs, and other events to go to things for Running Club. But at this point, most of my friends had graduated or were graduating from the club, and I didn't see a future for myself in it, at least as an officer. I also new that I would have no time for such a position in the coming year. So I didn't run for a position, and would come to distance myself from the club even more. During this time, I was forced to confront the toxic effect the club had on me in the past year, and would come to see how much happier I would be without it, though I did remain friends with some people in the club.
May
In May, I launched this blog and did the biggest thing I have done so far in my life: I went to FRANCE!
I won't bother rehashing everything that went on during May-July, as that's the entire point of this blog, but that experience truly was the best of my life. The people that I met on that trip and the experiences that I had turned me into the person I am today: a stronger, more confident, smarter woman who knows her worth and who knows the person she can grow to be.
I miss Paris every day and wish I could experience everything for the first time again. But I look forward to returning one day with my students and watch as they see it all for the first time, too.
June
While abroad in June, I went to Brussels and Amsterdam, two countries that were never high on my radar to visit but that I fell in love with immediately. I never had a desire to go to Germany before, but after visiting Brussels with its French and German influence, I find myself wanting to go to Germany more than I would have ever expected to. Needless to say, they're on my list to visit soon. I also got to see the US Women's team play in Paris!
July
July brought the end of my time in Europe, and a lot of emotions I had to figure out how to process, but not before I went to Rome and back to Paris with my Mom. Despite having been in Europe for two months already, getting to experience it all with my best friend was something that I will always cherish.
We still talk about how amazing it all was: drinking champagne on top of the eiffel tower, eating authentic pasta in Rome, watching the US Women's Team win the World Cup in our bed and breakfast in Rome while eating Tiramisu and drinking wine, going to Disneyland Paris, and watching Big Bang Theory until 2 am. Everything about those two weeks was perfect, and I'm so thankful I have this blog and all of my pictures and videos to remind me of everything we did.
However, July brought with it some sadness, too. In July we lost my father's sister, the second death in my family in a year. The day after we got back from France, our family drove to my dad's hometown for her funeral. Losing a loved one is a horrible thing to have to endure, and to lose two in one year was difficult for everyone in my family. But because of these losses, I am so much more grateful for the people who I do have, and the love that I have for them.
August
In August we went to Traverse, City Michigan for a short vacation.
Traverse is one of my favorite places, despite my distaste for water. However, Downtown Traverse is quaint and progressive, and stunning on the edge of the water. It was our third time in Traverse, and ever since our first visit my dad has wanted to climb up the Sleeping Bear sand dunes. It was his plan to do so for his 50th birthday the second time we went, but storms right before our arrival shut down any dune climbing and he was unable to do so. This time, however, he got to complete his insane goal. And he dragged Celia, Joe, and me into doing it with him. Now, I've done a lot of physically hard stuff in my days, half marathons, mile personal records, boxing for the first time... but climbing back up that dune was one of the most emotionally, mentally, and physically draining things I've ever done. Looking up to see how much was left as I kept climbing... I thought I would never make it. But that's where the running came in handy, with the mental training to push yourself beyond your breaking point.
Half an hour after he got up (an hour after I had finished, mind you) Dad said he would do it again. I laughed in his face. I have no plans on EVER doing that again. Once was enough for me. But hey, I still finished first.
We celebrated Celia's 19th birthday during that trip, I got sunburned, and read some books, and then it was back to Ohio for two weeks of Work at Pier 1 before going back to OSU for my senior year.
The biggest things that happened for me in August were 1st, going back to Ohio State for my last year of college. There were a lot of emotions that went with this, both happy and sad. I was excited for everything that came with being a senior, to student teach, and to see my friends again, but I knew it would be sad, being my last year of school.
The second biggest thing that happened was my birthday. On August 20th, 2019, I finally turned 21. I wrote about it all in another post, so I won't go too much into it here, but the week I turned 21 was one of the best of my life and made me so thankful for all of my friends and my family. I felt so lucky and so loved, and it really set of my year on a great note.
September
September was full of a lot of adjusting to classes, student teaching, and enjoying football games. Not too much happened for me personally, but I got to go home and see two of my friends get married, surrounded my all of our friends from Ho Mita Koda.
I also started my student teaching placement and fell so in love with teaching. There's no doubt in my mind that this is what I'm meant to do.
October
October, as you know from my halloween blog posts, is my favorite month of the year, and I took full advantage of it this year. I got to go home for fall break and see Joseph perform in the Mayfield Marching Band, hung out with my family, and ran in my metro park back home.
Katie, Marielle, and I spent way to much money on Phi Kappa Tau's pumpkin sale, buying pumpkins, s'more, hot apple cider, and chocolate covered pretzels almost everyday for a week. On the last day of the sale, Katie and I participated in the Phi Kappa Tau pumpkin games, an olympic-style tournament where every "sport" involved pumpkins. There was pumpkin bowling, pumpkin "beer pong" (we tossed them in trash cans), and of course a pumpkin pie eating contest. Sadly, we did not win, but it was fun nonetheless.
-- oh, and I ran my 5th half marathon. Which I stupidly did without training but was still able to get the time I wanted. However, it hurt like hell. I started spinning when it got too cold for me to run without getting hives and our house hosted an awesome Halloween party that some family members got to come down for.
I dressed up as a boxer one weekend and reprised my Dorothy costume from when I was younger. And I watched a lot of horror movies.
November
We had Dad's Weekend for my sorority, Nick and Dad both coming down for my last weekend. I sold my ticket and we watched the game from some bars on campus, going downtown for dinner with Katie and her dad before bowling at Pins Mechanical Company with my sorority the next day.
Then, I had one of the other biggest experiences of my life.
Back in February of 2019, Mom had called me while I was on a shopping trip and Target and told me that she had gotten me an early birthday present and wanted to know if I wanted her to tell me what it was. As a person who loves surprises, I had said no. However, she sounded so excited to tell me that I gave in. It was then, in the middle of Target that I burst into tears because she told me she'd gotten us tickets to see Elton Joh in concert. Now, if you didn't know, I've been in love with Elton John since I was seven. I named my ukulele after him. To see him in concert wasn't something I thought I'd ever get to do. But, on November 11th 2019, Mom and I saw Elton John in concert.
It was the best night of my life, to say the least. We stayed at a hotel in Medina and took the train downtown, where we ate burgers and I gambled for the first time before going to the concert where I cried at least 7 times, the first being at the 3rd note of Bennie and the Jets. Like I said, best night of my life.
At the end of November, we had a photoshoot with the recruitment guide for the 2020 Primary Recruitment, which was really fun and helped me bond with my partners. And it provided some fire for Instagram.
I came home for a far-too short Thanksgiving break, and then it was back to campus for finals. Oh, and OSU beat Michigan again. No big deal.
December
The first half of December was dedicated to completing all of my assignments for my classes and enjoying what free time I had with my friends before going home for winter break. Over break, I worked at Pier 1 a lot, but got to do some more amazing things. Mom and I saw the touring cast of Mean Girls at Playhouse Square, I'd been following the show since it's inception, so it was amazing to get to see it live.
Christmas Eve we finished up our tradition of seeing a new Star Wars film after Christmas Eve mass. Christmas itself was great, full of a lot of love and family, though as always it was over too quickly. I worked some more at Pier 1 and rang in the New Year with three of my four closest friends from high school, and applied to some jobs.
2019 was one of the best years of my life, and the one during which I grew the most as a person. While I'm sad to see all of the excited things that I got to do become mere memories, I'm incredibly excited for what 2020 has in store.
Stay tuned to this blog as I continue to, and hopefully more regularly, post about what is going on in my last year of college. If you made it this far, thank you. I love you all, and happy new year. Here's too (the only time I'm ever going to say this) the Roaring '20s.